My Body it talks to you
Telling you it wants you in everyway
From frontways, to behind ways, to oh so sensual sideways
It craves everything you give
It's nectar to live
From tiger eyes to butta thighs it talks to you
My curves whisper touch me, kiss me, hold me, caress me
Divuldge in everything my body has to offer
Soft and wet it screams touch my clit
It talks to you
And my body language is fluently sexual and utterly suseptible
To the passion you speak back to it
I kiss your lips and my Honey drips and as my body gets the notion that
your dick is getting closer
It starts over flowin and my grindin gets stronger
It talks to you
To chase me is to submit me to the depths
Where my moans cannot be kept
When I must let you know
That I feel you fa sho
Stroke after stroke it talks to you
In a language that only you and I understand
My body commands your attention
And with no pretention
The clinch of my fist amidst you
Bringing me to my pleasure is
My body's clever way of sayin
Damn baby
As my body gives into you
Its totally concentual
My body's language is fluently sexual
Monday, December 14, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
It's My World
I know that the world is not perfect...but in times like this I can only hope for peace of mind
I want to just close my eyes and wake up and know that it is all a bad dream
That money is abundant and late notices and evictions don't exist
A world that people who are sisters blood and otherwise are truly there to comfort and confide
I long for that genuine feeling that I pride myself on giving to others
It brings me to tears that man will always dissapoint you but fills me with joy to know that I know a God that will never forsake me
In a perfect world I would know all the words and have all the courage and strength to stand up for myself as I do for those who can not speak for themselves
Self medication for hurt and pain would cease to exist because expression of feelings would overule
Egos would be set aside for the good of all to prevail
Pillows would not be wet with tears and solitude would not be wished for for fear of being betrayed and mistreated
People that say they keep it 100 would at least keep it 75
and rose colored glasses would actually let you see the greener grass
Love would be like a Temptations song and not a Beyonce he did me wrong song pack his shit to the left to the left song
A new start would mean anticipating the next day with amazing friends and living it up with them today
God never puts more on us than we can bear and the weight of the world would feel light as a feather
If only to have the faith the size of a mustard seed oh the mountains you could move...
Treat others as if they were yourself and love yourself as if there were no other person in the world
I pray for you and I pray for me just to make it...
I want to just close my eyes and wake up and know that it is all a bad dream
That money is abundant and late notices and evictions don't exist
A world that people who are sisters blood and otherwise are truly there to comfort and confide
I long for that genuine feeling that I pride myself on giving to others
It brings me to tears that man will always dissapoint you but fills me with joy to know that I know a God that will never forsake me
In a perfect world I would know all the words and have all the courage and strength to stand up for myself as I do for those who can not speak for themselves
Self medication for hurt and pain would cease to exist because expression of feelings would overule
Egos would be set aside for the good of all to prevail
Pillows would not be wet with tears and solitude would not be wished for for fear of being betrayed and mistreated
People that say they keep it 100 would at least keep it 75
and rose colored glasses would actually let you see the greener grass
Love would be like a Temptations song and not a Beyonce he did me wrong song pack his shit to the left to the left song
A new start would mean anticipating the next day with amazing friends and living it up with them today
God never puts more on us than we can bear and the weight of the world would feel light as a feather
If only to have the faith the size of a mustard seed oh the mountains you could move...
Treat others as if they were yourself and love yourself as if there were no other person in the world
I pray for you and I pray for me just to make it...
Friday, October 2, 2009
October is also Relationship Violence Awareness Month (purple ribbons)
1 in 3 women will be abused in her lifetime
3 out of 4 teens are affected by relationship violence
Wake up people #stoptheviolence
This poem is one of my first and is near and dear to my heart...it's about a young girl living with a secret of rape...open up your hearts and realize that this epidemic is REAL!
She Wore Red
As she walked she was made up dressed up done up
And the secret that she held inside was one that she was taugh to hide
By the man who forced her to wear Red
And as she lay with him and it hurt for him to come inside
She remembered the other man's eyes
As he held her against that bathroom wall
Ans she refused to die
He liked what he was doing
And as the man she loved pushed it in and took it out
She remembered the immense amount of blood
That ran from the mahoghany stature that was her bodily essence
And there was no explanation for the Red she wore
It wasn't her short skirt or her sexy curves
It was just a pure act of hatred
Against the beautiful girl that wouldn't give him what he wanted
And she remembered as she lay there nearly dead
Wearing her own Red
That she prayed to the Lord to take her soul
And make it whole
So that she could walk again
With her head held high
And love this man between her thighs
And forgive the man that fucked her
With no regard
To leave her there with more than a broken heart
And as she scratched his back and held him close
She remembered the day
She wanted to forget the most
The day when she wore RED
1 in 3 women will be abused in her lifetime
3 out of 4 teens are affected by relationship violence
Wake up people #stoptheviolence
This poem is one of my first and is near and dear to my heart...it's about a young girl living with a secret of rape...open up your hearts and realize that this epidemic is REAL!
She Wore Red
As she walked she was made up dressed up done up
And the secret that she held inside was one that she was taugh to hide
By the man who forced her to wear Red
And as she lay with him and it hurt for him to come inside
She remembered the other man's eyes
As he held her against that bathroom wall
Ans she refused to die
He liked what he was doing
And as the man she loved pushed it in and took it out
She remembered the immense amount of blood
That ran from the mahoghany stature that was her bodily essence
And there was no explanation for the Red she wore
It wasn't her short skirt or her sexy curves
It was just a pure act of hatred
Against the beautiful girl that wouldn't give him what he wanted
And she remembered as she lay there nearly dead
Wearing her own Red
That she prayed to the Lord to take her soul
And make it whole
So that she could walk again
With her head held high
And love this man between her thighs
And forgive the man that fucked her
With no regard
To leave her there with more than a broken heart
And as she scratched his back and held him close
She remembered the day
She wanted to forget the most
The day when she wore RED
A Woman's Mind
This was going to be a poem but it would probably be 3 pages long lol anyways pay attention you might learn a thing or two
A woman's mind is constantly racing, trying to figure out the next move, idea or plan. It can sometimes be hard for her to stay in the present because the future is all that she longs for. She wants you to understand that if you can get her mind to hit pause for even two seconds let alone two or more years, you should feel priveledged because trust and believe at one point she had already moved on to the next thing.
When you do her wrong in any capacity the first thing that comes to mind is revenge, and just because at that point she doesn't verbally acknowledge that you are foul just look into her eyes and you can already tell that her mind is working on a plan to correct and or erase yo ass!
Yea she does want the finer things in life but it's also the little things that keep her mind on pause. Don't think that in our mind we always have to have the Gucci, Prada, and eat at restaurants where the appetizer is $50. All that is nice but if you find yourself providing this all the time, trust me there is a real woman that in her mind is thinking the same things you are.
Even the smallest things that goes on in a woman's mind she probably will never say out loud no matter how much of an independent, strong minded woman she is. For instance you say you want her to look like Beyonce, well she wants you to look like Will Smith, Denzel, Trey Songz, Idris Elba...and you don't hear her complaining. She knows when you're full of shit and it takes everything that she has to be a lady, hold her tounge, let it be. The weight issue is a lose lose situation for you, no matter how you put it, in her mind she will ALWAYS think you're saying she is fat and call you all kinds of bitches and hoes and wonder why the hell you talking after you just demolished two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese on a sesame seed bun.
Love for a woman is like a game of chess. For your every move there is a counter move and she plays the game just as well as the best and sometimes better. In her mind trust is a gift but she will make a return purchase in a heartbeat. The song "Not Gonna Cry" stays on repeat and boyfriend number 2s only exist because we plan to make him number one you just don't know it yet.
She wakes up in the morning dreading having to put on make up and spend time curling and flat ironing hair that you're probably not gonna notice anyway. Going out with friends is freedom and a release of being caged up like a damn animal. She is not looking for love in the club really often times she is looking for what you are looking for and doesn't plan on calling you back after that. Truth be told she can buy her own drink so if you dumb enough to open your wallet in her mind she is calling you a sucker.
Last but not least sex...you think about it every 3 seconds and she is right there with you. She doesn't want it to be a chore and sometimes she really just doesn't wanna do it. In her mind foreplay is the best thing ever while you're waiting on your's she's gotten hers about five times already. It does NOT take hours really after a while the clock is ticking and she just wants to take a shower. Finally SIZE does matter...lol
A woman's mind is constantly racing, trying to figure out the next move, idea or plan. It can sometimes be hard for her to stay in the present because the future is all that she longs for. She wants you to understand that if you can get her mind to hit pause for even two seconds let alone two or more years, you should feel priveledged because trust and believe at one point she had already moved on to the next thing.
When you do her wrong in any capacity the first thing that comes to mind is revenge, and just because at that point she doesn't verbally acknowledge that you are foul just look into her eyes and you can already tell that her mind is working on a plan to correct and or erase yo ass!
Yea she does want the finer things in life but it's also the little things that keep her mind on pause. Don't think that in our mind we always have to have the Gucci, Prada, and eat at restaurants where the appetizer is $50. All that is nice but if you find yourself providing this all the time, trust me there is a real woman that in her mind is thinking the same things you are.
Even the smallest things that goes on in a woman's mind she probably will never say out loud no matter how much of an independent, strong minded woman she is. For instance you say you want her to look like Beyonce, well she wants you to look like Will Smith, Denzel, Trey Songz, Idris Elba...and you don't hear her complaining. She knows when you're full of shit and it takes everything that she has to be a lady, hold her tounge, let it be. The weight issue is a lose lose situation for you, no matter how you put it, in her mind she will ALWAYS think you're saying she is fat and call you all kinds of bitches and hoes and wonder why the hell you talking after you just demolished two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese on a sesame seed bun.
Love for a woman is like a game of chess. For your every move there is a counter move and she plays the game just as well as the best and sometimes better. In her mind trust is a gift but she will make a return purchase in a heartbeat. The song "Not Gonna Cry" stays on repeat and boyfriend number 2s only exist because we plan to make him number one you just don't know it yet.
She wakes up in the morning dreading having to put on make up and spend time curling and flat ironing hair that you're probably not gonna notice anyway. Going out with friends is freedom and a release of being caged up like a damn animal. She is not looking for love in the club really often times she is looking for what you are looking for and doesn't plan on calling you back after that. Truth be told she can buy her own drink so if you dumb enough to open your wallet in her mind she is calling you a sucker.
Last but not least sex...you think about it every 3 seconds and she is right there with you. She doesn't want it to be a chore and sometimes she really just doesn't wanna do it. In her mind foreplay is the best thing ever while you're waiting on your's she's gotten hers about five times already. It does NOT take hours really after a while the clock is ticking and she just wants to take a shower. Finally SIZE does matter...lol
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Sista Gurl PLEASE...
Sooooo who has NOT been keeping up with blogging...IS ME!
Gotta do better...
Im steady counting down to graduation...238 days until I get the 2nd most expensive piece of paper that I've ever had just to say that my qualifications are better than the next persons.
I quit my job this past week and it just feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. You know you expect a certain level of respect from your boss especially when you and your boss look alike (as in skin color) and she sits you down and tries to have the "We as Black Women..." talk with you.
I chose to go to graduate school because I want to ultimately own my own non profit and from a counselor's stand point I feel that my boss had some inner resentment towards me because she decided not to get her master's. But really??? Where do you get the nerve to say that my graduation is not your concern Black Woman??? Where was all this "Black Woman" talk then???
And so it is that I am looking for a new job preferably where I don't have to hear the "We as Black Women" talk again...it's getting old. I know that I as a black woman have to be twice as good and sometimes four times as good than the male, the white, the white male, and the white female. YES I know that racism still exists but "my sista" I didn't expect it to come from you.
Graduation May 15, 2010...let the hooding begin....
Gotta do better...
Im steady counting down to graduation...238 days until I get the 2nd most expensive piece of paper that I've ever had just to say that my qualifications are better than the next persons.
I quit my job this past week and it just feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. You know you expect a certain level of respect from your boss especially when you and your boss look alike (as in skin color) and she sits you down and tries to have the "We as Black Women..." talk with you.
I chose to go to graduate school because I want to ultimately own my own non profit and from a counselor's stand point I feel that my boss had some inner resentment towards me because she decided not to get her master's. But really??? Where do you get the nerve to say that my graduation is not your concern Black Woman??? Where was all this "Black Woman" talk then???
And so it is that I am looking for a new job preferably where I don't have to hear the "We as Black Women" talk again...it's getting old. I know that I as a black woman have to be twice as good and sometimes four times as good than the male, the white, the white male, and the white female. YES I know that racism still exists but "my sista" I didn't expect it to come from you.
Graduation May 15, 2010...let the hooding begin....
Monday, July 27, 2009
Speechless.....
Its rare that I find myself without something fly or crazy to say but lately I just can't seem to find the words because I've found myself at the point where things just have me in disbelief. Have you ever been there where your words and your thoughts jus aint makin ends meet? What do I say how do I say it? Its kinda like when you've had it up to there and you just can't take it anymore or when that guy that makes you smile with every word that comes from his imagination to describe you, or when that guy that you're just fed up with letting him get away with things that you'd be damned if anyone else did that to you. I hope you can understand that feeling because its unlike anything you've ever felt. Its not like the world is passing you by its like you're watching the world and strategically mapping out what your next move will be. That's where I'm at.
I think I'm waiting on God to tell me which way to go next and all the while building up strength and faith. Its a warning to those that think they have the kryptonite to set me up for failure and a chance to witness something majestic to all those who know the things that I can accomplish. I'm not sad, mad, nor happy really I'm just watching and waiting for the sign I need to know where I'm supposed to go.
Short and Sweet. Be Blessed.
I think I'm waiting on God to tell me which way to go next and all the while building up strength and faith. Its a warning to those that think they have the kryptonite to set me up for failure and a chance to witness something majestic to all those who know the things that I can accomplish. I'm not sad, mad, nor happy really I'm just watching and waiting for the sign I need to know where I'm supposed to go.
Short and Sweet. Be Blessed.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Fast Foward Friday
Mannn has it been a week already!?!?!?!
Ok on this edition of fast forward friday ALOT of big decisions to be made. The week started with me questioning whether I have made the right decision to step back and try again. Sometimes when you go for things the second time around it's just not the same as it used to be and you realize there was a reason the you left that path to start on a new one. I just need to get that excited feeling again, that undeniable flutter that let's you know this is a good thing. Right now I'm just not there.
Then with grad school almost over it's time to start thinking what next. My eyes are set on Georgia State for my doc program so the reality is that I may not be in Texas much longer. That's a hard one for me, I have no family there no friends...I mean I'm sure I'll meet up with lots of Sorors and Frat and then I'll be fine but like I said before it's been me and my mommy against the world, how can I leave her now??? Then again she'd be the one telling me to go...lol and she'd probably wanna come with. This is a decision that I definitely get that excitement about, it's a whole new journey and I'm ready.
My week ended on not such a high note. I usually consider myself a very responsible person, but I may have gotten in over my head on this one. There's nothing I can do at this point to change the decision that I made so it's at this time that I find myself recovering and putting small pieces back together. That sense of immediate gratification came back like a boomerang and now I'm wrestling with whether or not to throw it back out there. Hmmm we'll see what happens.
LESSON LEARNED: Sometimes GOD is trying to tear apart the very things that we keep trying to hold together.
FAST FORWARD: Next week will be busy as usual...still haven't done that paper I was telling you about lol but I'll get it done but we also get to go on a field trip so I'm excited about that. Then the weekend brings my bestie's bday fun!!!
Ok on this edition of fast forward friday ALOT of big decisions to be made. The week started with me questioning whether I have made the right decision to step back and try again. Sometimes when you go for things the second time around it's just not the same as it used to be and you realize there was a reason the you left that path to start on a new one. I just need to get that excited feeling again, that undeniable flutter that let's you know this is a good thing. Right now I'm just not there.
Then with grad school almost over it's time to start thinking what next. My eyes are set on Georgia State for my doc program so the reality is that I may not be in Texas much longer. That's a hard one for me, I have no family there no friends...I mean I'm sure I'll meet up with lots of Sorors and Frat and then I'll be fine but like I said before it's been me and my mommy against the world, how can I leave her now??? Then again she'd be the one telling me to go...lol and she'd probably wanna come with. This is a decision that I definitely get that excitement about, it's a whole new journey and I'm ready.
My week ended on not such a high note. I usually consider myself a very responsible person, but I may have gotten in over my head on this one. There's nothing I can do at this point to change the decision that I made so it's at this time that I find myself recovering and putting small pieces back together. That sense of immediate gratification came back like a boomerang and now I'm wrestling with whether or not to throw it back out there. Hmmm we'll see what happens.
LESSON LEARNED: Sometimes GOD is trying to tear apart the very things that we keep trying to hold together.
FAST FORWARD: Next week will be busy as usual...still haven't done that paper I was telling you about lol but I'll get it done but we also get to go on a field trip so I'm excited about that. Then the weekend brings my bestie's bday fun!!!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
My Bucket
If I had a bucket
holding onto tears
that bucket would be filled
with the fears
Of a heart heavy
with the depths of the unspoken
Is this right
Is this real
For me to love with all my might
To hold on to and grasp at a dream
And looking back on this circle
My mind can barely hold together the seams
True love is never supposed to fail
The audacity of you to change the rules
Is there a condition to your love
And to the depths the flames are fueled
For promises are unkept
A closed mouth doesn't get fed
But a heart torn between settling and accepting things
Only allows for sorrow to be shed
Just out of reach of pure and utter bliss
It is here that you find me
with my bucket and my tears
Wondering if I'll ever see
What I saw before it was filled
holding onto tears
that bucket would be filled
with the fears
Of a heart heavy
with the depths of the unspoken
Is this right
Is this real
For me to love with all my might
To hold on to and grasp at a dream
And looking back on this circle
My mind can barely hold together the seams
True love is never supposed to fail
The audacity of you to change the rules
Is there a condition to your love
And to the depths the flames are fueled
For promises are unkept
A closed mouth doesn't get fed
But a heart torn between settling and accepting things
Only allows for sorrow to be shed
Just out of reach of pure and utter bliss
It is here that you find me
with my bucket and my tears
Wondering if I'll ever see
What I saw before it was filled
Friday, July 10, 2009
Fast Forward Friday
So I have an idea i'm blogging to share my adventures with you so every friday I'm gonna attempt to sum up the week with what I did and learned and fast forward to what i'll be up to the next week. I always complain about being super busy so I figure this is a good way for me to embrace that.
This was a crazy week for real I felt like I was gonna explode! My job has definitely been giving me some hard times lately and it came to the point this week when I was about to have an extreme meltdown. It's so funny how life always comes back to actions speak louder than words. Even though I felt unappreciated and pressured I decided to just do what I had to do to get sh** done and get on with my life. TRUST that I wanted to let it be known that I wasn't havin it but bills popped into my head and
I decided not to get fired...lol.
Speaking of actions it amazes me that the actions of others cause us to react on impulse at times to make sure that we protect the all important ego and feelings. It's like when needs aren't being met it's human nature of survival to find the resource to meet that need people included.
School...a thorn in my side and the cacoon to my change...honestly I do love school it's just the fact that this is my career and my perfectionist tendencies are creeping out. I didn't really know if I was being an effective counselor or even helping people but my midterm tape...hell I surprised myself!! I can do this and the passion that I have for it is showing more and more as I continue to look at myself and my life and dealing with my past and living up to my motto of being a better woman than I was yesterday.
Yesterday was fun...I finally forced myself to get out of the house and reward myself
for a job well done. Yea I know I probably should do that more often...don't lecture me! Lol
So lesson learned this week THINK BEFORE REACT! Life may be so much better for everyone if we all tried this...
FAST FORWARD: Next week I gotta grind lots of papers, work, internship...my normal life. All work and no play definitely counting down to vacation!!!
This was a crazy week for real I felt like I was gonna explode! My job has definitely been giving me some hard times lately and it came to the point this week when I was about to have an extreme meltdown. It's so funny how life always comes back to actions speak louder than words. Even though I felt unappreciated and pressured I decided to just do what I had to do to get sh** done and get on with my life. TRUST that I wanted to let it be known that I wasn't havin it but bills popped into my head and
I decided not to get fired...lol.
Speaking of actions it amazes me that the actions of others cause us to react on impulse at times to make sure that we protect the all important ego and feelings. It's like when needs aren't being met it's human nature of survival to find the resource to meet that need people included.
School...a thorn in my side and the cacoon to my change...honestly I do love school it's just the fact that this is my career and my perfectionist tendencies are creeping out. I didn't really know if I was being an effective counselor or even helping people but my midterm tape...hell I surprised myself!! I can do this and the passion that I have for it is showing more and more as I continue to look at myself and my life and dealing with my past and living up to my motto of being a better woman than I was yesterday.
Yesterday was fun...I finally forced myself to get out of the house and reward myself
for a job well done. Yea I know I probably should do that more often...don't lecture me! Lol
So lesson learned this week THINK BEFORE REACT! Life may be so much better for everyone if we all tried this...
FAST FORWARD: Next week I gotta grind lots of papers, work, internship...my normal life. All work and no play definitely counting down to vacation!!!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Lighten Up!!
It has often been said that I am mean, uptight, or too sensitive. Honestly, I just don't feel the need to go around smiling all the time...lol. Anyways the truth is that life has taught me to always be on guard around everything and everybody. The majority of life has been me and my mom against the world and even as an adult it's hard to get rid of that mind set but i mean come on can you blame me???
Think about it....in today's world and society people use you to get what they want and then they decide "ok i've gotten what I want from that person...time to move on". You get tired of being that person's play thing after a while.
Or it's the people that think you are an easy target and that you don't know what the hell is goin on...prime example i love black men but yall seem to think that black women are idiots...reality check boo...majority of the time we know EXACTLY what's goin on we just choose to let you do you boo...but please believe we are taken care of...
It's just so funny to me how the main people that think you are being mean or uptight are the ones doing dirt that think you don't know about it. The main ones that you should be cussin out but you hold your tongue. The main ones that you just have to keep at a distance and keep it movin.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
To the future and beyond...
So...these are my babies! My brother and sister graduates 2009! I am so proud of them so proud that in fact I cried at my brother's graduation...lol. It's been a long road for both of them but they finally did it! I expect nothing but greatness and wish them many many blessing and success in the future...
There they go...a future teacher and a future psychologist...I hope that we have taught them and given them all the tools they need to conquer the obstacles that lay before them. Love you bubba and sissy...Mann I'm getting old!
Monday, June 29, 2009
HIS GIRLFRIEND...
Sooooo Bittersweet is almost done! Due out end of next year!! For those who don't know Bittersweet is a novel I've been writing since 2003...whew!
Now it's on to another book...entitled His Girlfriend
Here's a preview!
Like acid to rust, her anger ate away at her as Jasmynne Avean Greene clinched the tiney cellular phone between her hand and fingers nearly breaking it. He laid next to her, uncouncious to what was taking place.
Jasmynne sat up straight fully waking herself. She adjusted the pillow behind her back and crossed her free arm across her chest. She was seriously contemplating hanging up on this b**** who had the audacity to cuss her out and question her before the sun even rose above the city's sleeping horizon.
Arielle, Jasmynne's older sister had warned her that if she was going to have sex with Doryan she should leave it at that, sex. Anything more could land her between a rock and a hard place, this included staying the night at his Manhattan penthouse.
But Jasmynne, still in her early twenties at a radiant twenty-five years old was hard headed and that's exactly where she found herself; wrapped tightly between Doryan's navy blue slik sheets and on the other end of a surprise late phone call from his girlfriend.
Arielle was older than Jasmynne and already married with two kids. She was an esteemed advertising agent with her own firm and had always taught Jasmynne that in dealing with a man's ex and or current girlfriend, not to play the other woman role by getting into an adolescent yelling contest, but to listen intently to her psychotic bull**** and then bid her insecure a** goodnight.
While watching Doryan sleep soundly she cushioned the woman's words with "uh huhs" and "oh"s following her sister's advice. She rubbed her stomach to coax it's growling, yawned from unfinished sleep and said,
"Well I'm sure Doryan would be happy to discuss this with you in the morning, Good night RaShelle." She closed his flip phone so that the top and bottom touched ending the conversation. She reached slowly over Doryan's resting body and returned the phone to the night stand next to him, which also held several bottles of pills, half a bottle of scented lotion, and two pictures, one of his parents whom had passed away when he was eighteen and on of his four year old daughter Ariya.
Looking at Doryan to ensure that he was still peacefully sound she thought to herself "triflin a**"..........
Stay tuned! Tell me what ya think...
Now it's on to another book...entitled His Girlfriend
Here's a preview!
Like acid to rust, her anger ate away at her as Jasmynne Avean Greene clinched the tiney cellular phone between her hand and fingers nearly breaking it. He laid next to her, uncouncious to what was taking place.
Jasmynne sat up straight fully waking herself. She adjusted the pillow behind her back and crossed her free arm across her chest. She was seriously contemplating hanging up on this b**** who had the audacity to cuss her out and question her before the sun even rose above the city's sleeping horizon.
Arielle, Jasmynne's older sister had warned her that if she was going to have sex with Doryan she should leave it at that, sex. Anything more could land her between a rock and a hard place, this included staying the night at his Manhattan penthouse.
But Jasmynne, still in her early twenties at a radiant twenty-five years old was hard headed and that's exactly where she found herself; wrapped tightly between Doryan's navy blue slik sheets and on the other end of a surprise late phone call from his girlfriend.
Arielle was older than Jasmynne and already married with two kids. She was an esteemed advertising agent with her own firm and had always taught Jasmynne that in dealing with a man's ex and or current girlfriend, not to play the other woman role by getting into an adolescent yelling contest, but to listen intently to her psychotic bull**** and then bid her insecure a** goodnight.
While watching Doryan sleep soundly she cushioned the woman's words with "uh huhs" and "oh"s following her sister's advice. She rubbed her stomach to coax it's growling, yawned from unfinished sleep and said,
"Well I'm sure Doryan would be happy to discuss this with you in the morning, Good night RaShelle." She closed his flip phone so that the top and bottom touched ending the conversation. She reached slowly over Doryan's resting body and returned the phone to the night stand next to him, which also held several bottles of pills, half a bottle of scented lotion, and two pictures, one of his parents whom had passed away when he was eighteen and on of his four year old daughter Ariya.
Looking at Doryan to ensure that he was still peacefully sound she thought to herself "triflin a**"..........
Stay tuned! Tell me what ya think...
REAL Talk
DISCLAIMER: THIS BLOG IS NOT DIRECTED TO ANYONE IN PARTICULAR THE STATEMENTS MADE FOLLOWING THIS PSA ARE GENERALIZATIONS>>>THANK YOU NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOG...
It's time to get back to basics ladies and gents...
This particular issue has really been bothering me lately...so im about to get on my soap box...just for a minute though I promise.
The term "I'm real" or "I keep it 100" gets thrown around a lot these days but it's almost impossible for you to find the person that honestly knows how to do just that...
It's more like people take this term and turn it into their own interpretation of the rules of how to be real or keep it 100
I mean honestly do you know what the word "real" means?? Have you looked up the definition?? For those goin to get your dictionary don't worry I got you....
REAL-based on fact, observation, or experience and so undisputed;
existing as fact, rather than as a product of dreams or the imagination;
honest or sincere, not feigned or affected;
genuine and original, not artificial or synthetic
To me this definition is not that difficult to accomplish but you would think you were asking people to move mountains or do the impossible...
There is a rare probably 2% of people that actually fit the criteria to say they are real...Everybody else should just say Im real when it benefits me or gets me what I want...other than that I will stab you in the back...lie...cheat and steal in a heart beat.
how about some examples: AGAIN THESE ARE GENERALIZATIONS...YOU'RE NOT THAT IMPORTANT FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT YOU DIRECTLY...
#1 YOU ARE NOT REAL IF: only keep people around for what they can do for you... I mean really? Didn't yo mama teach you it's better to give than to recieve?
#2 YOU ARE NOT REAL IF: you play captain save a hoe to people you don't even like...
#3 YOU ARE NOT REAL IF: you need someone other than you to define you...grow up...
#4 YOU ARE NOT REAL IF: you can't tell the truth to save your life...but will swear that you bein honest...
I think that's enough...I mean damn just be you and often times that means you're not gonna be real because it's human nature to try to get ahead in life even if it does mean screwin over people that's been there since the sand box...
FYI: I really don't care if you like me or not I'm not living my life for anyone... since God chose to put you in my life it's for a reason I didn't choose you...but please don't make your worth to me more than what it is you're not even a blip on my radar screen...:)
This blog was a vent I admit it...sorry guys...but it just had to be said...
It's time to get back to basics ladies and gents...
This particular issue has really been bothering me lately...so im about to get on my soap box...just for a minute though I promise.
The term "I'm real" or "I keep it 100" gets thrown around a lot these days but it's almost impossible for you to find the person that honestly knows how to do just that...
It's more like people take this term and turn it into their own interpretation of the rules of how to be real or keep it 100
I mean honestly do you know what the word "real" means?? Have you looked up the definition?? For those goin to get your dictionary don't worry I got you....
REAL-based on fact, observation, or experience and so undisputed;
existing as fact, rather than as a product of dreams or the imagination;
honest or sincere, not feigned or affected;
genuine and original, not artificial or synthetic
To me this definition is not that difficult to accomplish but you would think you were asking people to move mountains or do the impossible...
There is a rare probably 2% of people that actually fit the criteria to say they are real...Everybody else should just say Im real when it benefits me or gets me what I want...other than that I will stab you in the back...lie...cheat and steal in a heart beat.
how about some examples: AGAIN THESE ARE GENERALIZATIONS...YOU'RE NOT THAT IMPORTANT FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT YOU DIRECTLY...
#1 YOU ARE NOT REAL IF: only keep people around for what they can do for you... I mean really? Didn't yo mama teach you it's better to give than to recieve?
#2 YOU ARE NOT REAL IF: you play captain save a hoe to people you don't even like...
#3 YOU ARE NOT REAL IF: you need someone other than you to define you...grow up...
#4 YOU ARE NOT REAL IF: you can't tell the truth to save your life...but will swear that you bein honest...
I think that's enough...I mean damn just be you and often times that means you're not gonna be real because it's human nature to try to get ahead in life even if it does mean screwin over people that's been there since the sand box...
FYI: I really don't care if you like me or not I'm not living my life for anyone... since God chose to put you in my life it's for a reason I didn't choose you...but please don't make your worth to me more than what it is you're not even a blip on my radar screen...:)
This blog was a vent I admit it...sorry guys...but it just had to be said...
Monday, June 22, 2009
When is Good Enough Good Enough???
My professor said something in class the other day that I thought was pretty interesting. He told us that as students part of growth is learning when it's time to just let good be good. As in when is it at that point where a B is ok and we accept that...when is it that we choose sleep over pulling all nighters and we can live with our efforts.
I've been thinking about this since he said it and it makes sense. I know personally I kill myself for that 4.0. I stand in the mirror everyday before leaving to make sure people will see me as good enough. I am that perfectionist and I'm starting to feel that I should probably take better care of myself and let good enough be good enough in all aspects of life.
Personally when do we say that "God made no mistakes when He made me" and stop trying to "fix" ourselves or kill ourselves to look like Beyonce. When is is that we stand in a mirror naked and accept that curve, that nose, that big forehead...lol. Like I said I am guilty. I worry that I'm not beautiful and even when someone tells me that I am I always say "yea...but I have to feel comfortable in my own skin." It's hard when we don't see results in body image or when they come slowly because we are such a immediate satisfaction society and we put ourselves in harms way just to look good on the outside.
When are someone's imperfections perfect enough for us. We need to recognize that no one is perfect even your soulmate. Imperfections are a part of who we are...we make ourselves sick worry about what people think about us. We always say we want more from a relationship or that this thing or that thing gets on our nerves...when did we stop living for the moment and loving our soulmates unconditionally (as in without the condition that he take out the trash or put that toilet seat down or that she cook everyday and keep her weight down). The only person that needs pleasing is God and if you please others in the process lucky you. I am guilty of this too. When Im with someone I want the world to know that I'm your girl and when I don't get this or I feel like Im being disrespected with the flirting and facebook myspace flirting it upsets me. This could be that I tend to read too much into things but this is just my nature. Some people just aren't touchy feely kinds of people and good enough has to be good enough.
Just in life in general we have to understand that your best may fall short. Jesus did His best (in fact He gave us perfection) and they crucified Him....hmmmmmm.
I've been thinking about this since he said it and it makes sense. I know personally I kill myself for that 4.0. I stand in the mirror everyday before leaving to make sure people will see me as good enough. I am that perfectionist and I'm starting to feel that I should probably take better care of myself and let good enough be good enough in all aspects of life.
Personally when do we say that "God made no mistakes when He made me" and stop trying to "fix" ourselves or kill ourselves to look like Beyonce. When is is that we stand in a mirror naked and accept that curve, that nose, that big forehead...lol. Like I said I am guilty. I worry that I'm not beautiful and even when someone tells me that I am I always say "yea...but I have to feel comfortable in my own skin." It's hard when we don't see results in body image or when they come slowly because we are such a immediate satisfaction society and we put ourselves in harms way just to look good on the outside.
When are someone's imperfections perfect enough for us. We need to recognize that no one is perfect even your soulmate. Imperfections are a part of who we are...we make ourselves sick worry about what people think about us. We always say we want more from a relationship or that this thing or that thing gets on our nerves...when did we stop living for the moment and loving our soulmates unconditionally (as in without the condition that he take out the trash or put that toilet seat down or that she cook everyday and keep her weight down). The only person that needs pleasing is God and if you please others in the process lucky you. I am guilty of this too. When Im with someone I want the world to know that I'm your girl and when I don't get this or I feel like Im being disrespected with the flirting and facebook myspace flirting it upsets me. This could be that I tend to read too much into things but this is just my nature. Some people just aren't touchy feely kinds of people and good enough has to be good enough.
Just in life in general we have to understand that your best may fall short. Jesus did His best (in fact He gave us perfection) and they crucified Him....hmmmmmm.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Heart of a Lover
Love...the ever unspoken, overused, cliche, oxymoron...the magical, dreaded, amazing...L word. What is it? How does it feel? How does one know what love is without knowing the stinging pain of heartbreak or being lied to, cheated on, or pushed away?
This word to me, these four letters can make your world go round or completely stop you in your tracks. Sometimes when you think that you've finally got it love throws a curve ball shattering you to your soul. I've learned alot from love. For instance, love is the full sacrafice and understanding that there is someone else in this world other than yourself. However, just because two people love each other doesn't mean that they are supposed to be together. I think this is the hardest lesson that I've learned and am still learning over this year...there is more to a relationship than just love. It's those other ingredients that go into love...you know...trust(good luck understanding this one)...honesty(which in itself has many perceptions)...loyalty(hmmmmmm). To understand love you must first understand each one of these things. Love is crazy in that we all say we'll never go back once a person has left our lives or that God puts people in your life for seasons...which He does however you never know when the past may hold the key to your future or which season God has put a person into your life. Love is a cycle just like most other things. What does love even feel like...how do you know? I know for me love feels warm and fuzzy. It's the smile on my face when even the thought of you crosses my mind. It's how I lay my head on your chest to see if my heartbeat matches yours. It's when you're my goodmorning and my sweet dreams. Not necessarily everything in common but a balance that both of us can juggle. Love is my butterflies in my stomach and that tingling feeling that overtakes me when you touch me or kiss my lips. When you're in love you'll know it because it's a feeling that you just can't and don't want to get rid of.
Have you ever felt a heartbreak so bad you never thought you'd love again? Yea me too. It stings like literally you feel like your heart is in your throat and it's gonna jump out any moment. There's never a right time for a pain like this but a word of advice....Don't stop loving...don't stop living. God has never stop loving us regardless of the numerous times we break His heart daily. He is our example of how love should be...He even lays it out for us in His word and I'll leave you with that...
1 Corinthians 13
The Greatest Gift
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, it profits me nothing.4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
This word to me, these four letters can make your world go round or completely stop you in your tracks. Sometimes when you think that you've finally got it love throws a curve ball shattering you to your soul. I've learned alot from love. For instance, love is the full sacrafice and understanding that there is someone else in this world other than yourself. However, just because two people love each other doesn't mean that they are supposed to be together. I think this is the hardest lesson that I've learned and am still learning over this year...there is more to a relationship than just love. It's those other ingredients that go into love...you know...trust(good luck understanding this one)...honesty(which in itself has many perceptions)...loyalty(hmmmmmm). To understand love you must first understand each one of these things. Love is crazy in that we all say we'll never go back once a person has left our lives or that God puts people in your life for seasons...which He does however you never know when the past may hold the key to your future or which season God has put a person into your life. Love is a cycle just like most other things. What does love even feel like...how do you know? I know for me love feels warm and fuzzy. It's the smile on my face when even the thought of you crosses my mind. It's how I lay my head on your chest to see if my heartbeat matches yours. It's when you're my goodmorning and my sweet dreams. Not necessarily everything in common but a balance that both of us can juggle. Love is my butterflies in my stomach and that tingling feeling that overtakes me when you touch me or kiss my lips. When you're in love you'll know it because it's a feeling that you just can't and don't want to get rid of.
Have you ever felt a heartbreak so bad you never thought you'd love again? Yea me too. It stings like literally you feel like your heart is in your throat and it's gonna jump out any moment. There's never a right time for a pain like this but a word of advice....Don't stop loving...don't stop living. God has never stop loving us regardless of the numerous times we break His heart daily. He is our example of how love should be...He even lays it out for us in His word and I'll leave you with that...
1 Corinthians 13
The Greatest Gift
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, it profits me nothing.4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
A Black Man
He is my king
My unforeseen statute of strength
that I may lay my head upon
And I must bring myself to look beyond
The stigmatism that is a Black Man
The way he walk talks dresses and acts
Is just a part of what brings me back
to the day that I met him
He was caramel, mahogany, chocolate and dark chocolate complected
And when he saw these curves firmly erected
Waiting for me to say his name
You see I used to think that all black men were alike
Dogs as I called them
A good for nothing
No job havin
Booty grabbin
Dog
That was until I crossed paths with him
He brought a smile unto me that no man had ever brought before
And as he stepped into my door
I realized that he was stepping into my heart
And would become a part of who I am
I am a black woman
A queen
A diva
One that can stand on her own two feet
But is not afraid to lean on that brotha for that extra support
And is quick to let him know
That I want to be with you
I don't need to be with you
And it's not because of the warrior between your legs
Because that's not what's always on a black woman's head
But it's because of the comfort you bring
as I wake to the morning sunshine
And he is not a gangster a drug dealer a thugster a cold killer
He is an articulate compassionate immaculate
Black Man
And for that I thank him
For his eyes the only ones
that can look into mine and know
that I am proud to be by his side
And that I am the essence of beauty
I thank him
And for his pride in being a man
Growing strong with me
Being my aphrodisiac
and making me moan you see
I thank him
For being all that he is
exactlywhat he is
None other than
A Black Man
My unforeseen statute of strength
that I may lay my head upon
And I must bring myself to look beyond
The stigmatism that is a Black Man
The way he walk talks dresses and acts
Is just a part of what brings me back
to the day that I met him
He was caramel, mahogany, chocolate and dark chocolate complected
And when he saw these curves firmly erected
Waiting for me to say his name
You see I used to think that all black men were alike
Dogs as I called them
A good for nothing
No job havin
Booty grabbin
Dog
That was until I crossed paths with him
He brought a smile unto me that no man had ever brought before
And as he stepped into my door
I realized that he was stepping into my heart
And would become a part of who I am
I am a black woman
A queen
A diva
One that can stand on her own two feet
But is not afraid to lean on that brotha for that extra support
And is quick to let him know
That I want to be with you
I don't need to be with you
And it's not because of the warrior between your legs
Because that's not what's always on a black woman's head
But it's because of the comfort you bring
as I wake to the morning sunshine
And he is not a gangster a drug dealer a thugster a cold killer
He is an articulate compassionate immaculate
Black Man
And for that I thank him
For his eyes the only ones
that can look into mine and know
that I am proud to be by his side
And that I am the essence of beauty
I thank him
And for his pride in being a man
Growing strong with me
Being my aphrodisiac
and making me moan you see
I thank him
For being all that he is
exactlywhat he is
None other than
A Black Man
Monday, June 8, 2009
Superwoman
Not identified by a cape
Or xray vision
But by decisions made
To give up nothing and sacrafice all
It is that something
That something that holds
And molds my strength
To the point of super human ability
And a serenity that allows me
To bow my head and thank Him
Even for the not so amazing
They call me superwoman
Im the one that never rests
That tests the boundaries of what
Can be done
No task for me is impossible
As I inhale the possibility of defeat
That inner strength guides
My weary mind
And gives that extra to
A body that cries out for peace
Believe I am superwoman
I can't envision the end
Because the beginning keeps
ending what Ive already finished
And steadily reminds me
That time to fear my
kryptonite is never at hand
So I stand before you
Superwoman
My "S" is much more than
just super
It is my Strength my Serenity
My Sound mind when I am
running on empty
I am the uplift for those
that chose to not remember their own
strength
The substitute for those that even blinked
and took the incomplete
my work is never done
That one
that saves the day
Yes they call me superwoman
the woman behind the cape...
Why Blog...Why Now?
I used to write alot actually, as a matter of fact I have three unfinished books and poetry that goes on for days. I write in journals to express my feelings and to not go crazy and I write things down so as not to forget the moments that matter.
Yet it's been about a year and a half since I've written something substantial or anything worth an audience's opinion. I've lost interest in even the one thing that helped me to keep my sanity. People usually find it easy to write when they are lost or angry or confused but this is not why im blogging.
This last year I have been through a lot...I mean I've been through the trenches. Bad break up, triflin friends, health problems, family problems, money problems...and the list continues but the tears have dried and this is not why I'm blogging.
I am blogging because my poetry needs a voice, because my adventures are not merely mine alone to experience, because sometimes the soul is too passionate for just talking. I am blogging to hear opinions and criticism and be sure that I am checked into reality. It is because sometimes you just need someone to listen(or read), and not judge, and not tell all your business, and sometimes you just need to scream (or write is all CAPS) and that time is now...my soul is open.
Yet it's been about a year and a half since I've written something substantial or anything worth an audience's opinion. I've lost interest in even the one thing that helped me to keep my sanity. People usually find it easy to write when they are lost or angry or confused but this is not why im blogging.
This last year I have been through a lot...I mean I've been through the trenches. Bad break up, triflin friends, health problems, family problems, money problems...and the list continues but the tears have dried and this is not why I'm blogging.
I am blogging because my poetry needs a voice, because my adventures are not merely mine alone to experience, because sometimes the soul is too passionate for just talking. I am blogging to hear opinions and criticism and be sure that I am checked into reality. It is because sometimes you just need someone to listen(or read), and not judge, and not tell all your business, and sometimes you just need to scream (or write is all CAPS) and that time is now...my soul is open.
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