Sooooo Bittersweet is almost done! Due out end of next year!! For those who don't know Bittersweet is a novel I've been writing since 2003...whew!
Now it's on to another book...entitled His Girlfriend
Here's a preview!
Like acid to rust, her anger ate away at her as Jasmynne Avean Greene clinched the tiney cellular phone between her hand and fingers nearly breaking it. He laid next to her, uncouncious to what was taking place.
Jasmynne sat up straight fully waking herself. She adjusted the pillow behind her back and crossed her free arm across her chest. She was seriously contemplating hanging up on this b**** who had the audacity to cuss her out and question her before the sun even rose above the city's sleeping horizon.
Arielle, Jasmynne's older sister had warned her that if she was going to have sex with Doryan she should leave it at that, sex. Anything more could land her between a rock and a hard place, this included staying the night at his Manhattan penthouse.
But Jasmynne, still in her early twenties at a radiant twenty-five years old was hard headed and that's exactly where she found herself; wrapped tightly between Doryan's navy blue slik sheets and on the other end of a surprise late phone call from his girlfriend.
Arielle was older than Jasmynne and already married with two kids. She was an esteemed advertising agent with her own firm and had always taught Jasmynne that in dealing with a man's ex and or current girlfriend, not to play the other woman role by getting into an adolescent yelling contest, but to listen intently to her psychotic bull**** and then bid her insecure a** goodnight.
While watching Doryan sleep soundly she cushioned the woman's words with "uh huhs" and "oh"s following her sister's advice. She rubbed her stomach to coax it's growling, yawned from unfinished sleep and said,
"Well I'm sure Doryan would be happy to discuss this with you in the morning, Good night RaShelle." She closed his flip phone so that the top and bottom touched ending the conversation. She reached slowly over Doryan's resting body and returned the phone to the night stand next to him, which also held several bottles of pills, half a bottle of scented lotion, and two pictures, one of his parents whom had passed away when he was eighteen and on of his four year old daughter Ariya.
Looking at Doryan to ensure that he was still peacefully sound she thought to herself "triflin a**"..........
Stay tuned! Tell me what ya think...
Monday, June 29, 2009
REAL Talk
DISCLAIMER: THIS BLOG IS NOT DIRECTED TO ANYONE IN PARTICULAR THE STATEMENTS MADE FOLLOWING THIS PSA ARE GENERALIZATIONS>>>THANK YOU NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOG...
It's time to get back to basics ladies and gents...
This particular issue has really been bothering me lately...so im about to get on my soap box...just for a minute though I promise.
The term "I'm real" or "I keep it 100" gets thrown around a lot these days but it's almost impossible for you to find the person that honestly knows how to do just that...
It's more like people take this term and turn it into their own interpretation of the rules of how to be real or keep it 100
I mean honestly do you know what the word "real" means?? Have you looked up the definition?? For those goin to get your dictionary don't worry I got you....
REAL-based on fact, observation, or experience and so undisputed;
existing as fact, rather than as a product of dreams or the imagination;
honest or sincere, not feigned or affected;
genuine and original, not artificial or synthetic
To me this definition is not that difficult to accomplish but you would think you were asking people to move mountains or do the impossible...
There is a rare probably 2% of people that actually fit the criteria to say they are real...Everybody else should just say Im real when it benefits me or gets me what I want...other than that I will stab you in the back...lie...cheat and steal in a heart beat.
how about some examples: AGAIN THESE ARE GENERALIZATIONS...YOU'RE NOT THAT IMPORTANT FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT YOU DIRECTLY...
#1 YOU ARE NOT REAL IF: only keep people around for what they can do for you... I mean really? Didn't yo mama teach you it's better to give than to recieve?
#2 YOU ARE NOT REAL IF: you play captain save a hoe to people you don't even like...
#3 YOU ARE NOT REAL IF: you need someone other than you to define you...grow up...
#4 YOU ARE NOT REAL IF: you can't tell the truth to save your life...but will swear that you bein honest...
I think that's enough...I mean damn just be you and often times that means you're not gonna be real because it's human nature to try to get ahead in life even if it does mean screwin over people that's been there since the sand box...
FYI: I really don't care if you like me or not I'm not living my life for anyone... since God chose to put you in my life it's for a reason I didn't choose you...but please don't make your worth to me more than what it is you're not even a blip on my radar screen...:)
This blog was a vent I admit it...sorry guys...but it just had to be said...
It's time to get back to basics ladies and gents...
This particular issue has really been bothering me lately...so im about to get on my soap box...just for a minute though I promise.
The term "I'm real" or "I keep it 100" gets thrown around a lot these days but it's almost impossible for you to find the person that honestly knows how to do just that...
It's more like people take this term and turn it into their own interpretation of the rules of how to be real or keep it 100
I mean honestly do you know what the word "real" means?? Have you looked up the definition?? For those goin to get your dictionary don't worry I got you....
REAL-based on fact, observation, or experience and so undisputed;
existing as fact, rather than as a product of dreams or the imagination;
honest or sincere, not feigned or affected;
genuine and original, not artificial or synthetic
To me this definition is not that difficult to accomplish but you would think you were asking people to move mountains or do the impossible...
There is a rare probably 2% of people that actually fit the criteria to say they are real...Everybody else should just say Im real when it benefits me or gets me what I want...other than that I will stab you in the back...lie...cheat and steal in a heart beat.
how about some examples: AGAIN THESE ARE GENERALIZATIONS...YOU'RE NOT THAT IMPORTANT FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT YOU DIRECTLY...
#1 YOU ARE NOT REAL IF: only keep people around for what they can do for you... I mean really? Didn't yo mama teach you it's better to give than to recieve?
#2 YOU ARE NOT REAL IF: you play captain save a hoe to people you don't even like...
#3 YOU ARE NOT REAL IF: you need someone other than you to define you...grow up...
#4 YOU ARE NOT REAL IF: you can't tell the truth to save your life...but will swear that you bein honest...
I think that's enough...I mean damn just be you and often times that means you're not gonna be real because it's human nature to try to get ahead in life even if it does mean screwin over people that's been there since the sand box...
FYI: I really don't care if you like me or not I'm not living my life for anyone... since God chose to put you in my life it's for a reason I didn't choose you...but please don't make your worth to me more than what it is you're not even a blip on my radar screen...:)
This blog was a vent I admit it...sorry guys...but it just had to be said...
Monday, June 22, 2009
When is Good Enough Good Enough???
My professor said something in class the other day that I thought was pretty interesting. He told us that as students part of growth is learning when it's time to just let good be good. As in when is it at that point where a B is ok and we accept that...when is it that we choose sleep over pulling all nighters and we can live with our efforts.
I've been thinking about this since he said it and it makes sense. I know personally I kill myself for that 4.0. I stand in the mirror everyday before leaving to make sure people will see me as good enough. I am that perfectionist and I'm starting to feel that I should probably take better care of myself and let good enough be good enough in all aspects of life.
Personally when do we say that "God made no mistakes when He made me" and stop trying to "fix" ourselves or kill ourselves to look like Beyonce. When is is that we stand in a mirror naked and accept that curve, that nose, that big forehead...lol. Like I said I am guilty. I worry that I'm not beautiful and even when someone tells me that I am I always say "yea...but I have to feel comfortable in my own skin." It's hard when we don't see results in body image or when they come slowly because we are such a immediate satisfaction society and we put ourselves in harms way just to look good on the outside.
When are someone's imperfections perfect enough for us. We need to recognize that no one is perfect even your soulmate. Imperfections are a part of who we are...we make ourselves sick worry about what people think about us. We always say we want more from a relationship or that this thing or that thing gets on our nerves...when did we stop living for the moment and loving our soulmates unconditionally (as in without the condition that he take out the trash or put that toilet seat down or that she cook everyday and keep her weight down). The only person that needs pleasing is God and if you please others in the process lucky you. I am guilty of this too. When Im with someone I want the world to know that I'm your girl and when I don't get this or I feel like Im being disrespected with the flirting and facebook myspace flirting it upsets me. This could be that I tend to read too much into things but this is just my nature. Some people just aren't touchy feely kinds of people and good enough has to be good enough.
Just in life in general we have to understand that your best may fall short. Jesus did His best (in fact He gave us perfection) and they crucified Him....hmmmmmm.
I've been thinking about this since he said it and it makes sense. I know personally I kill myself for that 4.0. I stand in the mirror everyday before leaving to make sure people will see me as good enough. I am that perfectionist and I'm starting to feel that I should probably take better care of myself and let good enough be good enough in all aspects of life.
Personally when do we say that "God made no mistakes when He made me" and stop trying to "fix" ourselves or kill ourselves to look like Beyonce. When is is that we stand in a mirror naked and accept that curve, that nose, that big forehead...lol. Like I said I am guilty. I worry that I'm not beautiful and even when someone tells me that I am I always say "yea...but I have to feel comfortable in my own skin." It's hard when we don't see results in body image or when they come slowly because we are such a immediate satisfaction society and we put ourselves in harms way just to look good on the outside.
When are someone's imperfections perfect enough for us. We need to recognize that no one is perfect even your soulmate. Imperfections are a part of who we are...we make ourselves sick worry about what people think about us. We always say we want more from a relationship or that this thing or that thing gets on our nerves...when did we stop living for the moment and loving our soulmates unconditionally (as in without the condition that he take out the trash or put that toilet seat down or that she cook everyday and keep her weight down). The only person that needs pleasing is God and if you please others in the process lucky you. I am guilty of this too. When Im with someone I want the world to know that I'm your girl and when I don't get this or I feel like Im being disrespected with the flirting and facebook myspace flirting it upsets me. This could be that I tend to read too much into things but this is just my nature. Some people just aren't touchy feely kinds of people and good enough has to be good enough.
Just in life in general we have to understand that your best may fall short. Jesus did His best (in fact He gave us perfection) and they crucified Him....hmmmmmm.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Heart of a Lover
Love...the ever unspoken, overused, cliche, oxymoron...the magical, dreaded, amazing...L word. What is it? How does it feel? How does one know what love is without knowing the stinging pain of heartbreak or being lied to, cheated on, or pushed away?
This word to me, these four letters can make your world go round or completely stop you in your tracks. Sometimes when you think that you've finally got it love throws a curve ball shattering you to your soul. I've learned alot from love. For instance, love is the full sacrafice and understanding that there is someone else in this world other than yourself. However, just because two people love each other doesn't mean that they are supposed to be together. I think this is the hardest lesson that I've learned and am still learning over this year...there is more to a relationship than just love. It's those other ingredients that go into love...you know...trust(good luck understanding this one)...honesty(which in itself has many perceptions)...loyalty(hmmmmmm). To understand love you must first understand each one of these things. Love is crazy in that we all say we'll never go back once a person has left our lives or that God puts people in your life for seasons...which He does however you never know when the past may hold the key to your future or which season God has put a person into your life. Love is a cycle just like most other things. What does love even feel like...how do you know? I know for me love feels warm and fuzzy. It's the smile on my face when even the thought of you crosses my mind. It's how I lay my head on your chest to see if my heartbeat matches yours. It's when you're my goodmorning and my sweet dreams. Not necessarily everything in common but a balance that both of us can juggle. Love is my butterflies in my stomach and that tingling feeling that overtakes me when you touch me or kiss my lips. When you're in love you'll know it because it's a feeling that you just can't and don't want to get rid of.
Have you ever felt a heartbreak so bad you never thought you'd love again? Yea me too. It stings like literally you feel like your heart is in your throat and it's gonna jump out any moment. There's never a right time for a pain like this but a word of advice....Don't stop loving...don't stop living. God has never stop loving us regardless of the numerous times we break His heart daily. He is our example of how love should be...He even lays it out for us in His word and I'll leave you with that...
1 Corinthians 13
The Greatest Gift
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, it profits me nothing.4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
This word to me, these four letters can make your world go round or completely stop you in your tracks. Sometimes when you think that you've finally got it love throws a curve ball shattering you to your soul. I've learned alot from love. For instance, love is the full sacrafice and understanding that there is someone else in this world other than yourself. However, just because two people love each other doesn't mean that they are supposed to be together. I think this is the hardest lesson that I've learned and am still learning over this year...there is more to a relationship than just love. It's those other ingredients that go into love...you know...trust(good luck understanding this one)...honesty(which in itself has many perceptions)...loyalty(hmmmmmm). To understand love you must first understand each one of these things. Love is crazy in that we all say we'll never go back once a person has left our lives or that God puts people in your life for seasons...which He does however you never know when the past may hold the key to your future or which season God has put a person into your life. Love is a cycle just like most other things. What does love even feel like...how do you know? I know for me love feels warm and fuzzy. It's the smile on my face when even the thought of you crosses my mind. It's how I lay my head on your chest to see if my heartbeat matches yours. It's when you're my goodmorning and my sweet dreams. Not necessarily everything in common but a balance that both of us can juggle. Love is my butterflies in my stomach and that tingling feeling that overtakes me when you touch me or kiss my lips. When you're in love you'll know it because it's a feeling that you just can't and don't want to get rid of.
Have you ever felt a heartbreak so bad you never thought you'd love again? Yea me too. It stings like literally you feel like your heart is in your throat and it's gonna jump out any moment. There's never a right time for a pain like this but a word of advice....Don't stop loving...don't stop living. God has never stop loving us regardless of the numerous times we break His heart daily. He is our example of how love should be...He even lays it out for us in His word and I'll leave you with that...
1 Corinthians 13
The Greatest Gift
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, it profits me nothing.4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
A Black Man
He is my king
My unforeseen statute of strength
that I may lay my head upon
And I must bring myself to look beyond
The stigmatism that is a Black Man
The way he walk talks dresses and acts
Is just a part of what brings me back
to the day that I met him
He was caramel, mahogany, chocolate and dark chocolate complected
And when he saw these curves firmly erected
Waiting for me to say his name
You see I used to think that all black men were alike
Dogs as I called them
A good for nothing
No job havin
Booty grabbin
Dog
That was until I crossed paths with him
He brought a smile unto me that no man had ever brought before
And as he stepped into my door
I realized that he was stepping into my heart
And would become a part of who I am
I am a black woman
A queen
A diva
One that can stand on her own two feet
But is not afraid to lean on that brotha for that extra support
And is quick to let him know
That I want to be with you
I don't need to be with you
And it's not because of the warrior between your legs
Because that's not what's always on a black woman's head
But it's because of the comfort you bring
as I wake to the morning sunshine
And he is not a gangster a drug dealer a thugster a cold killer
He is an articulate compassionate immaculate
Black Man
And for that I thank him
For his eyes the only ones
that can look into mine and know
that I am proud to be by his side
And that I am the essence of beauty
I thank him
And for his pride in being a man
Growing strong with me
Being my aphrodisiac
and making me moan you see
I thank him
For being all that he is
exactlywhat he is
None other than
A Black Man
My unforeseen statute of strength
that I may lay my head upon
And I must bring myself to look beyond
The stigmatism that is a Black Man
The way he walk talks dresses and acts
Is just a part of what brings me back
to the day that I met him
He was caramel, mahogany, chocolate and dark chocolate complected
And when he saw these curves firmly erected
Waiting for me to say his name
You see I used to think that all black men were alike
Dogs as I called them
A good for nothing
No job havin
Booty grabbin
Dog
That was until I crossed paths with him
He brought a smile unto me that no man had ever brought before
And as he stepped into my door
I realized that he was stepping into my heart
And would become a part of who I am
I am a black woman
A queen
A diva
One that can stand on her own two feet
But is not afraid to lean on that brotha for that extra support
And is quick to let him know
That I want to be with you
I don't need to be with you
And it's not because of the warrior between your legs
Because that's not what's always on a black woman's head
But it's because of the comfort you bring
as I wake to the morning sunshine
And he is not a gangster a drug dealer a thugster a cold killer
He is an articulate compassionate immaculate
Black Man
And for that I thank him
For his eyes the only ones
that can look into mine and know
that I am proud to be by his side
And that I am the essence of beauty
I thank him
And for his pride in being a man
Growing strong with me
Being my aphrodisiac
and making me moan you see
I thank him
For being all that he is
exactlywhat he is
None other than
A Black Man
Monday, June 8, 2009
Superwoman
Not identified by a cape
Or xray vision
But by decisions made
To give up nothing and sacrafice all
It is that something
That something that holds
And molds my strength
To the point of super human ability
And a serenity that allows me
To bow my head and thank Him
Even for the not so amazing
They call me superwoman
Im the one that never rests
That tests the boundaries of what
Can be done
No task for me is impossible
As I inhale the possibility of defeat
That inner strength guides
My weary mind
And gives that extra to
A body that cries out for peace
Believe I am superwoman
I can't envision the end
Because the beginning keeps
ending what Ive already finished
And steadily reminds me
That time to fear my
kryptonite is never at hand
So I stand before you
Superwoman
My "S" is much more than
just super
It is my Strength my Serenity
My Sound mind when I am
running on empty
I am the uplift for those
that chose to not remember their own
strength
The substitute for those that even blinked
and took the incomplete
my work is never done
That one
that saves the day
Yes they call me superwoman
the woman behind the cape...
Why Blog...Why Now?
I used to write alot actually, as a matter of fact I have three unfinished books and poetry that goes on for days. I write in journals to express my feelings and to not go crazy and I write things down so as not to forget the moments that matter.
Yet it's been about a year and a half since I've written something substantial or anything worth an audience's opinion. I've lost interest in even the one thing that helped me to keep my sanity. People usually find it easy to write when they are lost or angry or confused but this is not why im blogging.
This last year I have been through a lot...I mean I've been through the trenches. Bad break up, triflin friends, health problems, family problems, money problems...and the list continues but the tears have dried and this is not why I'm blogging.
I am blogging because my poetry needs a voice, because my adventures are not merely mine alone to experience, because sometimes the soul is too passionate for just talking. I am blogging to hear opinions and criticism and be sure that I am checked into reality. It is because sometimes you just need someone to listen(or read), and not judge, and not tell all your business, and sometimes you just need to scream (or write is all CAPS) and that time is now...my soul is open.
Yet it's been about a year and a half since I've written something substantial or anything worth an audience's opinion. I've lost interest in even the one thing that helped me to keep my sanity. People usually find it easy to write when they are lost or angry or confused but this is not why im blogging.
This last year I have been through a lot...I mean I've been through the trenches. Bad break up, triflin friends, health problems, family problems, money problems...and the list continues but the tears have dried and this is not why I'm blogging.
I am blogging because my poetry needs a voice, because my adventures are not merely mine alone to experience, because sometimes the soul is too passionate for just talking. I am blogging to hear opinions and criticism and be sure that I am checked into reality. It is because sometimes you just need someone to listen(or read), and not judge, and not tell all your business, and sometimes you just need to scream (or write is all CAPS) and that time is now...my soul is open.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
